Stories and adventures from your not-so-average law student.

The Lawblr

Stories and adventures from your not-so-average law student.

Border officer: So what will you guys be up to for the week-end?
Lawblerer: We're just travelling for leisure
Border officer: And do you always dress up so sharply when you're travelling for leisure? What do we have going on here?
Lawblerer: Are you border patrol or fashion police?
Border officer: ...
(He did not appreciate my sense of humour)
Border officer: So, why are you travelling with 4000$ cash on yourself?
Lawblerer: That's just a little bit of spending money, you know? To enjoy the week-end.
Border officer: Your whole party is carrying a total of over 20 000$ in cash.
Lawblerer: We like to have fun.
Border officer: Yeah?!
Lawblerer: And we've got expansive tastes...?
Border officer: You're going to drive up to that orange barrier and turn right, please. An officer will direct you to where you have to go.
MY: I want to introduce you to my friend, she's pretty hot.
Lawblerer: Are you sure? You know that I am not monogamous and that I already have a few girls...
MY: Actually, I only want you to expand your presence in Beijing.
Lawblerer: In what sense?
MY: She lives in Fengtai.
Lawblerer: (Looking uncertain)
MY: Well... You already have one or two girls in Haidian, one in Dongcheng, one in Xicheng and one or two in Chaoyang. I think that you need to expand in Fengtai if you want decent coverage of the city. It's the next step.
Lawblerer: I love you.
MY: I know.

Leggy girl with a pretty face and she wore the short shorts like no other. We were leaving the bar and her student friends behind, passing in front of plenty of other establishments where people were lining up to get in.

She had brought her bag with her, full of books and her laptop. She complained about the weight and I offered to carry it for her before she asked.

"Still, I don’t even know how to introduce you to people. I don’t even know if I should be uneasy about the fact that my ex was present with us tonight…

- Don’t overthink. Meeting your ex was fine, except for the fact that he got weird with me and started drinking way too much and ended up throwing up… I don’t need a title, I told you we were not exclusive nor super serious and that’s as much definition as we need…

- Yeah… Sure. I’m good for your bed and we don’t need to further discuss our relationship because that’s good enough…

- Don’t be like that… I take you with me to events, I am here tonight meeting up with your friends with you… Look, I’m a fucking lawyer and I am carrying your bag full of useless shit and looking like one of your college buddies for you… Tell me that’s not caring, tell me that’s not consideration!”

She stepped towards me and hugged me from the side, laughing, kissing me on the cheek then pressing her head against my shoulder.

"Yeah… That’s pretty much it. You’re a fucking lawyer.” And she laughed some more.

Mr.Red: But... me and Mr. Blue had a contract!
Lawblerer: Indeed you did... and Mr. Blue is truly sorry that the purpose of the agreement could not materialize... You guys were two mature businessmen getting in business together and the venture went wrong - it happens.
Mr.Red: But that's not what it is, here! It's a clear breach of contract!
Lawblerer: I would not say that, though...
Mr.Red: But it's illegal!
Lawblerer: It is not illegal, maybe just not exactly in line with the terms of the agreement between you and Mr. Blue.
Mr.Red: But... We had a contract!
Lawblerer: Look... I have had enough of this conversation... I could not care less about your contract and, basically... My sole purpose here is to tell you that Mr. Blue shares similar feelings. Now if you love your contract so much, take it and go get it enforced! And let me know how that turns out for you.

I said I was back.

I promised I would be there for you but… you know me… I wasn’t; I was busy, working, being awesome, picking up girls in bars (yup, we still do that) that kind of stuff.

But I promise - again - that I will make a real effort to really keep you updated and take care of you.

Because things have been great, out here. I am back - I am back as fuck. I am on my old school lawblerer shit but 2.0: just more awesome at everything and even the good looks seem to have been even better.

- I am stacking loads of money (in cereal boxes, mainly) and also in my stock account (+51% this year - When I passed that “50%” mark, I bought a nice bottle of champagne and me and a friend went partying and I told this girl I brought home that she was the lucky winner of my celebration hookup);

- I am making this as a list because I know you love lists - you know you do;

- I have been traveling a lot (got laid in every city I have been, you know how I do);

- I now drink nothing but Grey Goose;

- You should check out Busta Rhyme’s latest music, especially the LP with Q-Tip;

- I brought in a client for my firm;

- I have seen things that would make me lose sleep if I was not so good at redefining my conception of good vs evil. But that is just what you have to do when you do business/law.

So everything is great in my life but I will definitely try to bring that awesomeness to this blog because I know you miss me.

Lawblr out.

It was the middle of the night.

We were in the middle of the street, only lit by the weak light of a few street lamps and the headlights of the cars which were still running, parked on both sides of the road.

I was standing around, with the senior partner. The client picked up his son, then walked to his wife and kissed her, introducing us. We had been the three of us together for more than half a day already, having lunch with his associate and then discussing his case. 

His driver/bodyguard got in his car to go park it. The wife’s friends were standing on the side, talking. The client let his son down to greet his step parents. 

It had this very “Godfather” feel to it, as an outsider being brought into the man’s very personal life, standing around with family, watching unfold private moments of his life, all of it right after seeing him play chess with others using millions, people, cities and relations.

"Work hard. Play hard. Fuck hard."


I’m starting to see the value of those higher-end liquors.

I’ve always thought that the marginal difference in taste did not justify the gap in price-point but I figured out recently that the more expansive stuff was much easier to digest.

My alcohol of predilection : vodka. 

Morning after drinking nearly a bottle of Absolut: feel like dying.

Morning after drinking nearly a bottle of Grey Goose: ready for a jog.

I am sure there are plenty of other factors but lately II have been joining on meeting with clients and drinking heavily at the office’s expense and drinking quality alcohol. At the same time, I am still attending college parties and I still go out with friends. I noticed a serious difference. 

She was playing nervously with her glass then turned towards me. We had noticed each other and I introduced myself.

She started talking. 

She lost my attention.

She realized and got quite irritated.

There really is nothing I can do about it; if you can’t interest me in a minute or two, I will drift off… 

I watched her walk away, indifferent. 

Only Game of Thrones could get us all so excited about a fight between an old man and a midget.

Different times, different girls but things do not seem to change.

I end up working late, reading, writing and, every once in a while, I glance over to my bed and can see the peaceful expression on her face while she sleeps. Even in her sleep, she is still waiting for me to go to bed; I know it from the moans and unintelligible words she will mumble once I lift the cover to slide in as well as the automatic and precipitated reaction to grab onto me. 

Girl, unless you interest me with a conversation on a similar intellectual level and witty remarks, you can’t get mad at me for choosing to resume my reading of The Economist rather than chat with you. 

Sincerely,

That guy you made a little passive-aggressive scene to in the metro

aka Lawblerer

You know those people you hate because they remind you of how ordinary you are?

It’s never about their talent; it’s never about their result. Those things, we easily envy but they do not affect us, they do not shake our ego. No one loses sleep over a friend being a natural at X or Y. No one get angry about themselves because someone they know had a major strike of luck.

It’s about their drive. It’s when you meet someone who is so passionate, so dedicated, and who is able to work so hard at achieving what he wants. Then, you see what kind of yield those efforts get and you hate yourself for not having this passion and this strength of character.

This is what it is all about: becoming that person.

Be the one others will envy for your commitment, dedication and resolve.

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Game changer

I’ve done fairly well with girls, so far in my life. I have never understood the need for prostitutes nor have I ever understood the idea of paying for sex. All the same, I have never spent a lot of money trying to impress a girl, buying drinks, etc.

But a lot of the Chinese businessmen I have met are into those things and they won’t mind spending a few thousand RMBs on a girl… or two or three.

I was accompanying a client last night and we were at one of those upscale clubs. I know the guy and, already at the club, I was trying to figure out how to avoid him bringing me to the hookers this time. He grabbed me by the shoulders, pointing to a few of the models who had been promoting a beer brand earlier that night:

"You go get them and you don’t come back to the table without those girls. Okay? Whatever you do."

I went over, talked to them. I ended up arranging with the club’s owner for a private booth, a few fruits platters, bottles with mixer and a bottle of champagne. I don’t even know what the total bill was as it just went on the client’s tab. He was happy, which is all that matters. The girls were having fun too and enjoyed being treated rather than just stay at their table and have old men lurking at them all night.

Coming from modest origins, I am amazed that the “fun” would cost so much. I don’t quite understand why you would pay such a price just to get those girls around you. But then, thinking about it, if the guy is ready to a few thousands on a hooker, why not spend them on drinks and fun at the club with some better looking girls.

Money is a game changer and those guys have so much that they are really making up their own game now.